The Hungry Hungry Writer

28m 49s 3.19 miles 9m 02s /mile

My first sub 7 minute mile.

I ran 3 miles today. The first mile started on a steep incline followed by a gradual decline. At the 1 mile mark I was at 6:55! I followed that with two more miles at 8:27 & 8:51 then cooled down.

I was so pumped when I looked at my Garmin GPS and found out I did a sub 7 minute mile. My goal is to run a 5K (3 miles) in 19 minutes and 30 seconds – a 6:30 mile average.

Is it possible? Am I crazy? That’s like sprinting!

Enough about that.

I left work at 4:00 and there was NO traffic. I got home in 20 minutes! Nobody was in… Jake had a commercial audition for Mervin’s today by the way… and they weren’t home yet so I took advantage. In a rush - I got on some workout clothes, filled a bottle of water, slipped on my shoes, grabbed my Garmin Forerunner 101 GPS that Donna got me for Valentines Day and off I went.

(my product review)

The weather was perfect. Clear, crisp, cool weather in Southern California a couple of hours before the sun set. It was awesome.

I took on the hill once again charging up like it was nothing. And then halfway up it became something. I aimed for the top and slowly but surely I got there. I continued my run when my Garmin beeped to indicate the one mile mark: 6:55. I ran at a more than comfortable pace in order to achieve the other sub 9 minute miles. (RPE 8 of 10)

It was a tough run. Not the terrain, but the breathing. It sucks having asthma. I’m on Advair right now but didn’t use my Albuterol before the run. I should have but didn’t think I needed to. I was gagging, coughing up and spitting out mucous for the whole 3+ miles! It was torture. Usually, after a mile or so, the mucous is gone and I’m breathing fine. Today it was never ending.

I need to learn how to spit.

I’ve never been a spitter. I don’t spit well. Driving down the freeway and the need to spit arises it’s a chore to get it out of the window. It ends up on the side of my car. So I don’t spit. I admire those that can spit fifteen feet and more. I need to learn. Can anyone give me some helpful techniques?

I need to spit to get rid of all that phlegm when I run and bike. The other day I spit to my right while biking and it ended on my sleeve. Today I spit out in front and it went straight down to my pant leg. It’s gross. You see my dilemma.

All this because of asthma.

It’s really a challenge to be an endurance athlete when you can’t breath. It’s the hardest part of the whole thing – dealing with asthma.

Hopefully these allergy shots I’ll be getting will help control it better. It’s worth the try.

I get really nervous and anxious when I click on the ‘submit’ button in order to register for a Triathlon. The first time I did it my stomach went upset and I had to take a couple of deep breaths. It’s weird committing to something like this. But I did it. Two Triathlon registrations are submitted, paid for and now training for.

· UCLA – IronBruin Triathlon - Sunday April 9, 2006
    Race: 4 Mile Run | 10 Mile Bike | 400 Meter Swim

AND

· Xterra Wetsuits Spring Sprint Triathlon - Sunday May 7, 2006
    Race: 1/4 Mile Swim (400 meters) | 9 Mile Bike | 3 Mile Run

I’m really excited about the Xterra Triathlon in May. We’ll be going to San Diego and it will be my first open water swim. The UCLA one is going to be a tough one for me. It’s backwards (Run – Bike – Swim) for one. The Run is four miles versus the 5K I am use to. And the bike ride is not flat. If you have driven around UCLA it’s not a flat campus. Going up Sunset blvd North of Campus is not going to pleasant. But I’m still going to do it.

I have at least one a month through October.

· Redondo Beach Sprint Triathlon - Sunday June 11, 2006
    Race: 1/2 Mile Swim (800 meters) | 6 Mile Bike | 2 Mile Run

· July TRI for FUN Sprint Triathlon. - Saturday July 8, 2006
    Race: 1/2 Mile Swim (800 meters) | 16 Mile Bike | 3 Mile Run

· Solano Beach Triathlon - Sunday July 30, 2006
    Race: 1/4 Mile Swim (400 meters) | 9 Mile Bike | 3 Mile Run

· Imperial Beach Triathlon & Duathlon - Sunday August 27, 2006
    Race: 1/2 K Swim (500 meters) | 15 K Bike | 5K Run

· Jamba Juice Triathlon on Mission Bay - Sunday October 1, 2006
    Race: 500 Meter Swim | 15 K Bike | 5K Run

I have to look into some vitamin supplements – calcium and potassium pills… something to help with cramps. I’d like to make sure I do not go through the same hell I went through before.

Another of my childhood icons has past away…

From Eonline

To the end, Don Knotts and Andy Griffith were a team.

Knotts, the jittery Deputy Barney Fife to Griffith’s imminently calm Sheriff Taylor for five Emmy-winning seasons on The Andy Griffith Show, died of lung cancer Friday in Los Angeles. The iconic comic actor was said to have been surrounded by family and a pair of friends–Griffith and his wife.

Knotts was 81.

The announcement of Knotts’ passing was made, appropriately enough, by TV Land, the cable network specializing in shows, such as Andy Griffith, that bear up to repeated viewing.

In addition to Andy Griffith, which he starred on from 1960-65, Knotts leisure-suited up as lecherous landlord Mr. Furley on Three’s Company from 1979-84. Furley was another character that, like Fife, was destined to live on in reruns.

Knotts’ run as Fife was unique in that it was as celebrated as it was popular. From 1961-63, Knotts won three straight Emmys for Outstanding Performance in a Supporting Role by an Actor. In 1966 and 1967, after he’d left the series as a regular, he won two more supporting acting Emmys for his work as a special guest star. In 2003, he reteamed with Griffith, Ron “Opie” Howard and the other surviving stars for the CBS retrospective Return to Mayberry, which was a huge ratings hit.

As for Furley, Knotts was never so much as nominated for the farcical sitcom that was never a critical favorite.

Knotts was born July 21, 1924, in West Virginia. He starred in several kid-friendly comedies in the 1960s and 1970s, including The Incredibly Mr. Limpet, The Shakiest Gun in the West and The Apple Dumpling Gang.

More recently, he starred as the mysterious TV repairman responsible for turning Tobey Maguire and Reese Witherspoon into black-and-white in 1998’s Pleasantville and, in his final screen credit, gave voice to Mayor Turkey Lurkey in last year’s animated hit Chicken Little.

Two of my all time favorite shows starred Don Knotts: “Three’s Company” and “Andy Griffith” Some didn’t like his comedy, his slapstick and his quirkiness. I loved it. It was comedic genius. Every time he entered a scene, from guest appearances like That 70s Show just this year, and his voice over work on Chicken Little, I always light up and say, It’s Mr. Furley!!!

Of course he was in some of my favorite movies that I was fortunate to watch, “The Incredible Mr. Limpet”, “The Reluctant Astronaut”, “The Shakiest Gun in the West”, “Move over Darling” (with Doris Day!!!), and “The Ghost and Mr. Chicken”.

If you want a Sunday afternoon pleasure, watch these movies. That’s when I did.

Thanks for all your work Don Knotts! You will be missed!

I’m sitting in bed watching “Chasing Lance” on TiVo, having a coffee and blogging on a very nice Saturday morning.

Regarding “Chasing Lance” on his chase for his 7th straight Tour de France… I can’t believe how seriously trained these athletes are. A group of the best athlete’s in the world. But of course Bryant Gumble won’t be watching - the idiot racist cocky bastard.

Another bad night of sleep. It’s taking its toll. It’s not making me any healthier if you ask me. I took one of my last meds today. I’m now on the tapering down of the other for five days. And I’m not going to do the cough medication anymore.

Water-water-water… all day long. I’m going to hydrate and start my workouts on Sunday.

I nearly just put on my bike shoes and went for a road bike this morning but decided against it. It’s been a battle to not exert myself physically. And I can’t wait.

I’ve decided to aim high for some Sprint Tri goals. If I can get a 5K into a 20 minute time, I’ll be kicking ass. That’s less then 7 minute miles. Doable. I just need to run more. If I can drop 10 minutes from my 40 minute 10 mile rides and swim like I know I can, I can compete in my age group and be above average instead of LAST.

As you get older your body just doesn’t do what it wants. It takes heart. And I’m working on both the literal heart and the heart inside. I’ve always had the latter, now I’m making sure to keep the former.

My dad had a heart attack and prostate cancer. I’ve always thought, when will it happen to me? Now I’m thinking… it’s not going to happen.

I feel so weak after being sick. Maybe I’ve lost too much weight.

I started off with 158 at the Doctor’s office back in late November.

In December for my physical I was at 152.

At Christmas I was at 147.

On Tuesday I was 146.

Last night was at 144.

My goal before all of this was 145. But that was a goal through eating and working out. Not being sick.

I’m sure it’ll climb again as I hydrate and pump in some calories and protein and get back into the thick of things. I need to get stronger and maintain a healthy weight as I go about training.

My ‘love handles’ are disappearing. But I want them gone.

We bought MASTERING THE ZONE. This book will help us figure out how to eat better and to eat foods that work with your body instead of against it. There’s a lot of yummy recipes. It just takes dedication because maintaining a very good diet like this takes work.

Looking through the book makes me hungry!!! But it’s hungry for good healthy recipe’s that count!

Lance’s Trek Madone 5.9 (the poor man’s version of course = $5000)

I’m chasing Lance.

After two nights of lack of sleep which includes all the other horrors of medication and the price I’m paying to get well, I desperately was in need for some good snores.

Now I could be productive like write or play video games, but I am so tired that I couldn’t even play video games. The medication is really taking its toll and I need sleep.

So maybe a beer would help?

It sure made me drowsy.

But then suddenly, by 10:45 PM, I was jittery and very awake. My brain was fried, my attention span short, there wasn’t any programming on TV that really caught my attention and I felt like I needed to do ten things at one time.

But I managed to get comfy in bed, speed thru the results of the Olympics then turn on Thursday’s American Idol episode on TIVO followed by the coverage of the Amgen Tour of California Stage 4. I propped my laptop onto my lap and finished off a bunch of Triathlon Gear Review drafts that I’ve been waiting to do for a couple of months. Read em here: ( Tri-Fashion Reviews)

I realize most of these reviews on swim, bike and run equipment and clothing are ramblings and probably drug induced incoherency. {–is that a word?

I finished around 1:00 AM. I’m not sure who won what during Figure Skating. Some American fell. An American won Silver and Mr. Copacabana on American Idol got kicked off. Yeah, bad choice dude. Did Ryan Seacrest say, “I’ve been Ryan Seacrest” last night? I’m not even used to “Seacrest Out” yet. Is there some hidden meaning somewhere? And who’s in the lead for the Amgen Tour of California? I miss Lance.

I turned out the lights and the night sped on by filled with jitteriness, anxiousness, drowsiness and lack of sleep. And just when I hit that phase of REM where you think life is so good when you’re sound asleep, I heard my sister say… “GLENN!” and I woke up and looked at the door and NOBODY WAS THERE.

It was 5:30 AM and time to get up. AHHHHHHHHHH!!! I heard my sister’s voice. She woke me up but she’s not at my house. Maybe something happened over at her house. I hope everything is okay. I have to call. It’s that weird connection bros and sisters have sometimes. She probably had a similar dream and said “GLENN” and woke me up. I can’t remember what I was dreaming about. Probably about sleep.

So no, the beer didn’t get me to sleep. I had a decent buzz so that works well. But do they mix? I guess it depends who you ask.

Yes, I went snowboarding last night while on drugs. Now I’m tired.

Get this… I’m on five… FIVE prescription drugs at the moment and one OTC drug.

Due to my asthmatic bronchitis I’m on the following drugs:

Azithromycin
Tussionex
Prednisone
Albuterol
Advair
Advil (OTC)

The Tussionex side effects include drowsiness; excitement; dry mouth, dizziness, stomach upset and more. I’m feeling all.

The Azithromycin side effects include mild diarrhea, nausea, stomach pain. They’re right!

The Prednisone side effects include difficulty sleeping, MOOD CHANGES, nervousness, increased appetite, indigestion. I’m feeling a few of those.

I’m on Advil because of the headache my cough is giving me.

Albuterol and Advair… that’s just my asthma stuff but I’m supposed to take the Albuterol as needed for treatment of asthmatic bronchitis as well. The other four drugs are temporary.

WOW.

So lets see. Blame my irritation and mood swings on trying to find the phone last night to the Prednisone. I was totally on edge let me tell you. One minute I was calm good old dad trying to explain to the kids why you shouldn’t do this that and the other thing, the next thing you know I’m pissed off husband because I can’t find the phone. Thank goodness I wasn’t stuck on the freeway with an a-hole cutting me off. It could be bad.

Blame the horrible nights sleep I got to Tussinex which caused drowsiness. I like drugs that cause drowsiness but then the Prednisone made it difficult to sleep! What the hell?

Blame the dirty underwear to Azithromycin. Okay that’s sick. But I’m here to tell only the truth. And the truth is sometimes sick. But all must hear the truth or I wouldn’t be here.

I also have a dry mouth so I’m drinking tons of water which means many more trips to the bathroom, I’m dizzy, a little nauseous and I’m twitchy – nervousness. Every noise startles me. WHAT’S THAT? Who? What’s that? - It’s like paranoia!

So back to Snowboarding while on drugs. Which is appropriate since the Olympics are happening and Bodie Miller made some stupid comment about skiing and intoxicated or something. What an ass. Well, last night I found myself playing an XBox Snowboarding game for way too long. The time flew. And that’s what this game does. You start playing a quick game and the next thing you know you’ve been playing for two and a half hours straight.

Jake and I played it before dinner. When he went to bed I got on the console again. It was 7:00 PM. Donna was at work and I didn’t want to watch the Olympics, American Idol, I didn’t want to read, I didn’t want to write, I was feeling everything the drugs made me feel. It’s not a good feeling.

The distraction of the game made things better. Normally I catch myself and stop playing after such long stretches of time, but this new game we got is so addictive and makes time fly like you wouldn’t believe! It’s grrrrrreat!!! But it is bad in that way. It is everything you want from a game and more. This game is why people actually get addicted to gaming.

The price for the game was $8.95 with my EBGames discount card. A small price to pay for a very addictive game. It’s called SSX Tricky – a Snowboarding game. I reviewed the game on my Gaming-XBox Addiction page if you want to read about it.

Anyway, after I caught myself playing for two and half hours I got in bed to surf ‘The Net’ but just couldn’t hang for too long. I turned on Torino coverage of Bobsledding and Figure Skating and dozed off in between events and skaters.

I was so tired… I was drowsy damnit!

Even though I was so out of it, the damn drugs kept me from a sound sleep. My mouth was so dry I had to get some water. Getting water meant peeing several times during the night. I kept waking up to look at the clock, ‘how much more time do I have to sleep’ was on my mind all night long. It was horrible.

The kids woke up around 5:30 and are sitting watching TV as I write. I’ll be heading to work late as I wait for Donna to come home so I’ll make fried rice and add coffee and the effects of caffeine to all the other drug effects I’m going through.

One thing good about all these drugs that are totally affecting my night’s sleep and are probably going to ruin how I feel during the day is… I DIDN’T COUGH AT ALL LAST NIGHT – from what I remember. Diarrhea, nausea, a jittery sleep and a dry mouth… I guess it’s the price to pay to get rid of a cough -

I hate being sick.

I want a Dodger Dog.

Check out my latest XBox game reviews including the SSX Tricky review.

MX World Tour Featuring Jamie Little (Review)

SSX Tricky (Review)

Over on my Gaming-XBox Addiction page.

Good news, bad news…

The bad news is, I have Asthmatic Bronchitis.

Acute Bronchitis symptoms like a deep chest cold, slight fever; inflammation, weak voice, limited speech, shortness of breath, headache, nausea, lung and body aches; hacking dry cough or mucous producing cough.

Chronic Bronchitis and or asthmatic bronchitis: bronchial tubes become inflamed, and mucous becomes thicker and more profuse: difficult breathing and shortness of breath from clogged airways: repeated attacks of acute Bronchitis: chest congestion: mucous producing and wheezing that lasts for several weeks or more: fatigue, weakness and weight loss; low grade lung infection, general malaise. Trouble reaching high notes or low tone sustains while singing may be an indicator of pending trouble.

The really bad news is… I’m supposed to rest for seven days. Uh… not good. I haven’t workout in almost a week and now I have to sit back and do nothing for seven more days? This really really sucks. I’m on three medications and clear liquids. No milk. This thucks.

Thank goodness I didn’t sign up for the Amgen Tour of California 25 mile race on Saturday. I was still thinking about it. If the doctor didn’t say rest, which I thought he would say, I would have signed up today despite my cough. I have a wedding at 5:00 PM to attend and the race would be way over by then. But that’s a mute point now isn’t it?

My Training Plan started last Monday. I’m already eight days behind and now must ease into the schedule. Oh well… I like that kind of hard work.

We at Squint Productions are also supposed to shoot our “The Turning” short film in March. I can’t wait for that one. It’ll be so much fun.

And finally, I’ve been working in some writing time in order to finish my script rewrite for “Sushi A Go-Go”. It’s hella hard but I’m trudging through the process.

In Triathlon news, my Nephew Keaton agreed to team up with me on a Triathlon Rely in July up in Sacramento. He’ll be doing the swim portion, I’ll bike and my cousin Des will run. I haven’t got Des’ confirmation but it’s pretty much a lock. It’ll be fun!

It started around 5:30 AM when the kids woke me up. Well, that wasn’t the fun part. I managed to get them to stay in bed with me for an hour watching an episode of “Caliou” and then thirty or so minutes of the Torino Olympics. Boy, there is a lot of Curling coverage going on in this Olympics.

That wasn’t the Sunday fun part though.

After Donna got home I took the kids out for breakfast. That way they won’t bother her as she takes her nap. We went to Goldstein’s and ate bagels.

It was freezing in SoCal on Sunday! We got all bundled up and on the way to Goldstein’s marveled at the snow in the mountains. It was really pretty.

We sat at Goldstein’s for about forty five minutes. The key to taking the kids out is to take your time. And they are serious ‘eaters’ when they like what is in front of them. They just sit there and eat-eat-eat. I shared half a bagel with Bella, who actually was more interested in the cream cheese than the bagel itself. Jake spent thirty minutes eating his bagel systematically and methodically. He’s the Obsessive-Compulsive one. After the bagels they each got an M&M cookie. By 10:00 AM we were out of there and on our way to Target.

We bought popcorn, Goldfish cookies, and two movies:

Madagascar

…for the kids and:

Elizabethtown – because I’m a HUGE Cameron Crowe fan.

Then we went over to the EB Games to peruse the used games. Having watched a lot of Olympics Jake and I wanted some snowboard or Olympic game so we bought:

Torino 06 Olympic Games (new $19.95)

…and a Snowboard game:

SSX Tricky (used $8.95)

…and one for me:

Ninja Gaiden Black (new $29.95)

Then home we went for Popcorn and movies.

On the way home cousin James called and asked me what beer he should buy. I told him to try RED STRIPE BEER since its one of my favorites.

Jake tried SSX Tricky for about 10 minutes as I got the popcorn and drinks (water) ready and the game was awesome. What a fun game! I wanted to play it but Bella wanted to watch a movie so that’s what we did.

While they watched Madagascar I researched the games online. Both SSX Tricky and Ninja Gaiden Black were top rated games on www.gamespot.com (both 9.4 ratings) but Torino 06 Olympic Games had such a poor rating (3.4) I was worried about playing it and totally being disgusted with my purchase. I know, as long as Jake likes it, but really, is it worth the risk? I explained this to Jake and he agreed on returning it for a better Basketball game (his kinda sucks).

After the movie, Jake was allowed to play SSX Tricky for a few minutes as I got Bella ready for her nap.

Donna was still asleep and the kids joined her in bed at 2:00. By the time they woke up it would be time for Donna to wake up so it was planned perfectly!

I went back to EB Games and exchanged Torino 06 Olympics for:

NBA 2K6 (preplayed $22.46)

Which is actually pretty damn fun!

I drove to Pasadena to this awesome bike store and bought a pair of Tri-shorts and got on some Tri-Specific bikes. Wow. What a difference a Tri-Bike makes versus a road bike made into a Tri-Bike. I was drooling. I can’t wait to get one. I just can’t see spending $5000 on a bike especially if I’m not a top athlete. I mean, these are the bikes the ‘big boys’ use. There was a FELT Racing Tri Bike for $1199 which is reasonable, but I really like Kuota and QuintanaRoo bikes – which are companies that really specialize in Tri-Bikes.

I wiped up my drool and headed to the grocery store to get things for dinner.

A few minutes after I got home Jake wakes up from his nap and plays Xbox games. I get Bella and Donna up and by 4:30 I’m cooking dinner!!!

Talk about perfect timing!

I made Salt Fried Ribeye Steak. The topping is a mixture of tomatoes, Kalamata olives, balsamic vinegar and olive oil. It’s so easy to make. Just use about 1 ½ tablespoons of Kosher Salt on a 12 inch skillet, heat the skillet up and drop the boneless Ribeye Steak onto the pan and fry. Takes about four minutes on both sides for a medium cook. No other seasoning. Just the salt on the pan. Take it off the pan and let sit for about 5 minutes – and if you like it well done, letting it sit for 5 minutes actually cooks it more. So don’t overcook! Then slice them up into strips and pour the diced tomatoes, diced olives (pitted) mixture onto the steak and serve! We also had steamed rice and artichokes.

YUM!

By 6:15 the kids were bathed and ready for bed.

Donna left at 6:40 and by 7:00 PM the kids were in bed while I got to spend and hour playing an AWESOME game… Ninja Gaiden Black! No wonder it is highly rated as one of the best X-Box games of the year! It definitely is NOT for young gamers like Jake. So there are three games he’s not allowed to play. Call of Duty 2, Prince of Persia: The Sands of Time and this one, Ninja Gaiden Black.

Okay, I played for an hour and a half. According to the game I played an hour and thirty minutes.

Then off to clean the kitchen, feed Gordon, a shower and bed time.

I watched a little of the most horrid Olympic event – Ice Dancing, read a couple of bike and running magazines, talked to Dale (in Hawaii) for like thirty minutes, then dozed off during more of that horrid ice dancing crap.

And that’s a fun PERFECTLY PLANNED Sunday in February!

And yes, I had a cold Red Stripe beer during dinner to make it an even better Sunday!

For $12.99 you can get a 5×7 picture of me running or biking for your office, bedroom (I know a lot of you want it for your bedroom), or to proudly display in your living room for all to see. Office mates, friends, family members and/or guests will ask you who the handsome looking guy running and biking is which will lead to a very interesting conversation piece don’t you think? Make up any story you want.

Just click on the links below to view and order and start your collection of Glenn pictures!!!

Glenn Running

Glenn Biking

Order both for a better deal and to save on shipping!

I’m telling you, you’ll be proud to have this in your possession.

I ate some Fast Food today. Yuck.

It’s weird. Ever since I have been watching what I eat I feel guilty when I eat something as crappy as a Carl’s Jr. Hamburger. It was gross. But I was craving a burger of some sort and it was driving distance from the office.

As I sat down and pulled out the onion rings and sipped my milk shake – see I went all out on junk food – I felt like people were looking at me thinking ‘look at that unhealthy eating bastard’. Really. I was all of a sudden self conscious about what I was eating in front of people. Usually I eat the healthy, low sodium food (which is good) at the cafeteria. But today, I needed a hamburger versus a healthy choice make your own burrito or something. I shake off the thought that people are looking at me for eating a cheese burger, onion rings and an Oreo Cookie milk shake.

But that’s not what made it such a great lunch.

As I bit into my Famous Star with Cheese I overheard two older ladies talking in the next booth and it made me wonder what I would be talking about when I’m in my late 70s. One was around 70 and one was definitely in her late 70s or even 80s. They were talking about their iron pills and how much they paid for their last batch. This batch was white, but the last one she got the pills were gray or something. They were calculating the costs per milligram. It made be very depressed. Is that what Donna and I will be talking about when we are old and fragile?

GOD I HOPE NOT!

It was a serious downer.

But that’s not what made it such a great lunch.

There were a lot of Senior Citizens at Carl’s Jr. in the Valley. Probably all well-to-do people with money. I mean this is the Valley. It was obvious they were of financial class that most of us want to achieve someday.

At a table next to my booth were three older gentlemen. From what I gathered they just got finished with a round of golf. And as I listened in on their conversation, they were probably or still are, from the old Hollywood scene. Old guys talking about comedy and referring to “Cheers” and other ‘older’ Sitcoms. It was cool. They talked about comedians and writing comedy. They talked about a comedy club and how a comedian was kinda stale and his jokes weren’t hitting half the audience. It was a really great eaves drop.

A few minutes later this older Japanese guy comes in. He was in ragged, dirty blue jeans with a tool belt on. He was a gardener for one or all of these three guys and probably the neighborhood gardener. The oldest guy laughs and says, “You’re late!” And the Japanese man starts laughing, “I was writing the jokes.” The Jokes? It rang in my head. He was writing “THE JOKES”. He didn’t look like a writer. He was a gardener for goodness sakes.

The Japanese guy hands the oldest guy a haphazard piece of yellow legal pad paper with writing on it. It looked as if he took it out in the middle of gardening and wrote on it using anything for a table. You would have guessed it was some type of measurements of some sort by a construction worker bringing it to his employer to show him the specs. That was my first impression. Until he said he was writing “THE JOKES”.

Another older guy chit chats to the Japanese guy about doing some trees on Saturday but it may rain.

The Japanese guy goes to the bathroom and the oldest guy says, “I like the second one. I like the second one.”

He hands it off to the guy across the table and he reads it. And that guy says, “I like this one.”

The other guy asks, “What’s the second one?”

And I swear I almost laughed out loud when he recited it.

“4 out of 3 people don’t understand fractions.”

I mean I say it to myself out loud right now and I’m laughing.

Who are these guys? That’s all that was going through my head. I want to hang with them, tell ‘em I’m a budding writer, tell ‘em I want to learn from them, follow them, joke with them.

Then the one that was reading it says, “read that one down there…”

“You’ll have to forgive me because it’s getting harder to remember some of the jokes as I get older. You’ll have to forgive me because it’s getting harder to remember some of the jokes as I get older.”

One guy laughs and says he heard something like that from some movie. God I wish I remember the movie references but they knew their comedies.

Then the Japanese guy comes out of the bathroom and the oldest guy says, “I like the second one.”

The Japanese guy says, “which one?”

“4 out of 3 people don’t understand fractions.”

And the Japanese guy goes, “huh?”

And they all start laughing and the older guy says, “He doesn’t even get it.”

I guess the Japanese guy didn’t hear the joke but then realizes what it was and says, “Ha… it’s funnier that way.” They all start cracking up.

Then the Japanese guy limps away.

It was so fricken ass funny I couldn’t stand it.

Then the older guy goes, “You know what’s funny? You know what’s funny?”

And the other guy quips, “What’s funny is that you’re still alive.”

Holy shit. I nearly threw up. I almost started clapping it was so hilarious.

The oldest guy continues, “You know what’s funny? It’s when I have something funny to say and I just can’t get it out – I can’t remember all of a sudden. Then five minutes later I blurt it out like it came out of nowhere.”

And then they start talking about how that happens to comedians and talk about intelligence and Alzheimer’s disease.

That’s when it got a little bit depressing. Old guys talking about Alzheimer’s disease after talking about joke writing and not remembering things.

I wanted to stay but decided I needed to go back to work.

But what entertainment. It was real, it was live, it was funny and it was something that totally lifted my spirits!

Now that’s what I want to be talking about when I’m old. Screw the Iron pills. Give me jokes man, JOKES!