The Protagonist Game
I had to write. My mind was in a blur, I was feeling down, I just wasn’t myself. I came across a quote from a movie, “The Shawshank Redemption” where Morgan Freeman’s character, Red, says – “Get busy livin’. Or get busy dyin’. That’s goddamn right.” And yes, that is goddamn right!
Whew. Deep breath. From where I was feeling emotionally, it kinda woke me up. Kinda. And at least writing would lead to distraction to the mental turmoil I am going through.
I opened up “The Writer’s Toolbox” and played ‘The Protagonist Game’. There are four spin wheels, the first is called, The Protagonist. You spin the wheel and the result is your protagonist. You spin the Goal, Obstacle, and Action wheels to get four major points to what you’re supposed to write about.
What I wrote is not a reflection of how I was feeling. That would just be dark and depressing. What I wrote was as basic as it may seem, a story with no rhyme or reason, only trying to capture the four points of the spin wheel and have a beginning, middle, and end.
Here are the results of the four spin wheels.
Protagonist – Iris, the Psychoanalyst
Goal – To be the great seducer
Obstacle – Fred the monster
Action – Buys a new wardrobe
I titled this:
“Where the Wild Things Are”
Iris had a recurring dream. And she knew that this had to change. The dream never led to resolution, it only perplexed and confused her. Any amount of self-analysis provided her with dead-end conclusions. The dream: to win the annual award to be “The Great Seducer”.
‘What is that really?’ She’d wake up and question herself – ‘What is The Great Seducer? Where did it come from? Why am I dreaming about this and why am I dreaming about an award?’
Iris had a clear-cut daily routine. She’d get up as at 6:00 AM on the dot, she would have no more than one cup of coffee, and she’d finish up where she left off in her book the night before. By 9:00 her day started at work. She always had a full schedule of patients and her day would finally end to a pleasurable dinner at top notch sushi restaurants she’d scout out by herself. The evenings were: hot tea, and a good book. She was an attractive woman when she wanted to be, she dressed professionally on a daily basis, and was concerned with skin care and skin products. Preserving herself came from her mother’s care. Her mother would always advise her to take care of her skin and everything else would follow. Iris, as she would put it, was ‘satisfied’ with her life.
Iris’ college years weren’t filled with intimate relationships, as she put all her time and mind to her studies, and after a PHD and ten years of Psychoanalysis, she discovered she was missing something: a relationship outside of good books, flavored tea and sushi restaurants. That something was the ability to actually have a relationship outside of work. Along with that relationship would be intimacy and maybe, seduction. She didn’t have a clue. She never had hands on experience, but she had a ton of advice to give to those with the same issue.
The epiphany of ‘missing something in her life’ didn’t come to her in her sessions with her own therapist, but in this dream that seemed to happen after meetings with patients with inferiority complexes and others coping with fear. Tonight, after her recurring dream, she decided to do something she’s never done before.
In her dream she is always dressed in her favorite green dress. The one she wore to the Annual Therapist Research Awards where she won a grant to study and write about the fear of public speaking. Her dream would always start the same: in her dress, walking into a college dorm, looking for ‘someone’.
She arrives at a door and suddenly the hallway, the hustle and bustle of students, and the music all fade away leaving her standing all alone in front of the door. She touches the door number, 327, and decides to open it instead of knock on it.
As it swings away from her hand propelled by what feels like a magnetic force, she sees a man who she immediately labels as ‘a boy – an innocent college boy.’ He’s in a Washington State sweatshirt, her Alma mater, he’s reading, Hemingway’s “The Sun Always Rises”, and his white teeth seems to light the room when he smiles.
He says, “You’re here for your reward aren’t you?” He doesn’t say it, but she knows what the award is.
Iris nods.
“Well, lets see if you deserve it.” He takes off his glasses and he turns from a boy to a man, like Clark Kent into Superman. She recognizes the face, but can’t for the life of her, recall his name. Was he a patient? An old colleague? Or someone from college?
Iris, nervous energy propelling her through the door, steps in and fumbles for something to say and finally mutters the same thing every time she has this dream.
“How does it make you feel?” She can’t help it. But whom is she asking? Is she asking herself the question, or the young man she is about to seduce? She always tries to ask something else like: “Who are you?” Why am I here?” What’s The Great Seducer award?” But “How does it make you feel?” is always the question.
The door slams shut behind her, the tiny hairs on the back of her neck and arms stand at attention. An electric flow goes through her body that, although feels soothing, feels like a short unnerving electrical shock.
She steps forward and suddenly out pops Fred from the dark. An unrecognizable face, but his name is undeniably, Fred. His full red beard, his full head of hair and small dark eyes glowed in the dark - as if a glow stick were behind his pupils. He steps in front of Iris and growls, “I’m going to eat you up!” His nose twitches and his cheeks redden. And if he didn’t have a red beard and glow stick eyes, he could be Santa’s long lost brother.
She looks past Fred in fear. She knows it’s a dream but also knows she wants to take action in it. Fred starts to grow more facial hair and fangs sprout. He slowly transforms into one of the monster characters from “Where the Wild things are.”
The room transforms into a forest, the smell of vanilla almond flavored tea fill the air, and her stomach starts to sink into an emotional abyss.
Iris steps back. Her inner child recalling the fear as well as the enjoyment of Maurice Sendak’s book when her stepfather used to read to her at night. For a moment in her dream her emotions tilt from apprehension and fear to complete and utter sadness. Losing her stepfather to a car accident on his way to her graduation was one ‘coping’ process she was still desperately trying to deal with. And as soon as her sadness overwhelms her, courage overtakes her. She balls her fists and closes her eyes and forgetting it’s a dream, prepares to pummel the face of the monster from “Where the Wild things are.”
Suddenly, her green dress begins to weigh her down and she can’t move. She’s frozen. Her eyes open and Fred laughs and cries, “Let the wild rumpus start!”
The room spins. She can’t find her bearing. She loses her balance and the screams of Fred shatter her mind.
Iris screams and jolts awake from her sleep as the words, “I’ll eat you up!” ring in her ears once again.
Normally, she’d lay awake, trying to analyze the dream, asking herself if it really scared her, or made her apprehensive about something in her life. She thinks back to what her stepfather always said when she was at her lowest point, “If it doesn’t kill you, it’ll make you stronger.” But what, in the context of this dream, does that have to do with anything, she wonders.
Tonight, instead of meditating herself back to sleep, Iris goes through her step-in closet and takes out her favorite green dress. She puts it on and looks into the mirror. It’s frumpy, it’s unflattering, and makes her look older than the 39 years that she is. Disgusted with how she looks she takes the dress off and throws it in the trash.
Back in bed, Iris ponders the dream once again. Soon, vivid recollections of the dream start to fade away as most dreams do. And before asking herself why she dreamt it again, she falls asleep.
The next morning, Iris, forcing coffee down gets in her car and is the first in line for the Nordstrom doors to open. She walks into the department store and approaches a 20 something fashion sense sales girl on the floor.
Her dream still unnerving her, but detailed memories almost completely faded away. All she knows is today, for some reason, she’s going to do something new, something life changing, something to give her a new look at life, and a new look for herself. “Today will be life changing,” she says to herself over and over.
“I need to buy a whole new wardrobe.” She says. And with that, as she concludes, proceeds to change her life by first, changing what she wears. And hopefully a new dress, will give her something different to wear when she visits the Innocent College Boy in his dorm room the next time she has the dream.
She realizes that her decision to buy a new wardrobe won’t solve anything. She also realizes that starting new takes more than a clothing overhaul. But recalling a quote from the movie “Shawshank Redemption” where Morgan Freeman’s character, Red, says, “Get busy livin’. Or get busy dyin’.” will change things.
She notches up as a start. A step that leads to many. “Yes…”, she says to herself as she shuts her book and takes one last sip of her tea, “I need to get busy livin.’” She laughs at her comment to herself. Quoting lines from favorite books and movies wasn’t her style. But maybe it will be now. Notch it up as another step to livin’. And with that, she finds a new outfit from her new wardrobe, she grabs her keys, and she’s out the door in 30 minutes.
A call to an old friend on her cellphone and a meeting place is established. It’s only 9:00 at night and a whole life to live. She looks at herself in the rear view mirror and hears herself say, “Let the wild rumps start!”
