“…if it was easy everyone would do it. The hard is what makes it great.” Tom Hanks, “League of their Own”
Thursday - It was one of those crappy lack of motivation days. Add fifteen minutes to get from work to the 405 (a five mile drive) and another 45 minutes from there to home (a 12 mile drive)… Then there was a very unhealthy dinner (I HATE FAST FOOD!) and you can see why it was tough to get to the gym. At least dinner didn’t consist of a big fat juicy chilli Tommy Burger. But Burger King isn’t any better. BLECH!
I got home and waited for everyone to show up. I ate my Whopper and around 6:15 we went to Jacob’s Open House. It was nice to see all the things he does in class. Bella wanted to stay so bad. We finally had to carry her, kicking and screaming, out of the school and went home. It was past their bedtime.
Bella is three today (Friday) by the way!!! I’m sad about that. I can’t believe she’s three years old. I showed her how to tuck in her pinky under her thumb so she can show she’s three. It’s a struggle but she does it. I asked her if I still can call her ‘my baby’, she said no.
By 8:15 PM I was at the gym watching lap swimmers take up all the lanes and I was going to use that as an excuse to not swim. But I ended up getting undressed and just sat on the steps of the pool waiting. When a lane cleared up I swam over and asked, Young, another triathlete, if I could share the lane. We chatted about swim technique, open water swims, wetsuits and sprint triathlons. He gave me enlightening advice on open water swim and after five or so minutes of conversation I pushed off the wall and started my swim.
After what I thought was four 100 meter sets - that’s two laps per set - I lifted myself out of the pool and relaxed. I was ready to go home. Later I realized I had only done three 100 hundred meter sets (six laps) but at the time I had thought I swam 400 meters. And 400 meters was enough for a night with no energy I thought. I was exhausted.
I sat there, at the edge of the pool, lost in thought… Bella is turning three, I’m turning thirty nine, Jake is turning six, I have to go to work tomorrow, I’m not ready for the UCLA Triathlon…
The next thing you know the swimming pool was empty. It was odd. Empty on a Thursday night. The water began to settle and stand still. I kicked my legs in the water, stirring it a little, watching the small wakes I made expand into the empty pool. It was peaceful - it was relaxing - it was as if my mind cleared as the pool cleared. There was a sense of spirtuality that overwhelmed me. Instead of hitting the showers, I decided to do a non-stop 400 meter swim (eight laps). Not because I was gung ho to do it… not because I was motivated… not because I thought I should… I just did because my mind was convinced I shouldn’t do it. I needed to convince myself to do it. It’s a hump a triathlete or any athlete needs to overcome anyway. On race day I’ll have to battle these thoughts constantly. I told myself long ago to battle these thoughts on training days so you don’t have to fight so hard on race days…
So I did it. I’d say 70% of the time I was on my back, or on my side… But I did it… it was long and hard and a total struggle that I tried to train my mind to ignore… 14:31 was my time. It’ll probably be slower on April 9 after a 4 mile run and 10 mile bike ride. But I did it.
I got out, showered, went to Barnes & Noble and went home. I finished up an analysis and sent it to my boss. Then I turned on ESPN to find out that UCLA WON a game they should have lost. That put me in a good mood. But then my sister called and we talked about morbid thoughts - death, comas, stuff like that that depresses me and something I think about all too much. I need to stop.
Tonight I might not be able to swim. I might not be able to workout either. Hopefully I’ll be able to go on a quick run or short bike ride…
It’s Bella’s birthday today- 3/24/2006. She’s three. Jake is going to be six… I’m going to be forty in 15 months.
I’m depressed.
“When you’re going through hell, keep going.” Albert Einstein
My swim time for Thursday 3/23/2006:
23m 35s 750.00 meters 3m 08s /100 meters